So My Client is a Sex Offender?
Legal definitions of a variety of sex crimes were reviewed. It was agreed that we have a lot of questions and in some cases no answers. Some crimes are not diagnosable and some diagnoses are not considered crimes. But keeping children safe is a high priority!
Not a treatable condition- You can’t make me desire someone different. We can’t un-ring a bell that’s already been rung. So we don’t quite know what to do with these individuals right now.
Offenses are under reported or tell and not believed. A lot of sex offenders also have substance use. Alcohol and marijuana are the most common used to dis-inhibit the victim and as a hook to get the child to not tell. We tend to lump all people who are registered sex offenders into one category – all bad. So a person who had too much to drink and was urinating in public may be lumped in with a person masturbating in public. We need to know if we have a a person charged with a sex offense in group and we need to find out how dangerous the person is. Are they Level I or Level II? We need to talk to the individual.
The offense process was demonstrated in a wheel that begins with – The usual state – They notice the 20 year old girl – They begin having thoughts about the situation – They begin having feelings- They plan – The offense or abuse takes place- They go into guilt and promise mode “God please don’t let me get caught. Please don’t let her say anything. – They go into reconstitution mode. How do I put myself back together? It’s the victim’s fault she didn’t say no. They return to the usual state. Reconstitution vs. Restitution.
We need to educate parents and grandparents how to identify a perpetrator. Sex Offender Check List: very charming, very helpful, acts like a child, prefers to be in kids company over adult, buddy vs. mentor, insider status, fail to honor clear boundaries, make themselves welcome, desensitize children to touch by playing for example wrestling, demand secrecy making the child feel responsible if they tell – “you’re going to break up mom and dad.” They tend to be overly eager to please adults and children.
Good guardianship- Only have a child stay in a warm trusting atmosphere – use the Sex Offender Check List and keep individual’s of concern away. “I knew there was something that didn’t seem to feel right.” Believe your child if they say they have been abused. Be upfront – There are people who are going to hurt you out there – it may even be someone you know – TELL ME ANYWAY. Know where your kids are and who they are with. Know your relationships. If the child is overly touchy they may have been groomed by the perpetrator. When little people say stuff they shouldn’t even know about that is a reason for concern. The internet is not an electronic babysitter. www.cybertipline.com
Professionals- We need to get educated or lessen our ability to be helpful. With education we are able to understand and not lump individuals who have been charged with a Level I, II and III altogether.
Grace On You thanks the individuals who took time out of their very busy schedules to obtain knowledge around this very difficult subject!
I am a Life Coach/Brief Interventionist. My emphasis is on trading in our relationship with alcohol, drugs and negative thinking for an amazing relationship with others and most importantly developing an extraordinary relationship with our self!
Grace On You, LLC 
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